On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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