I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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