Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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