You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
