Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
