you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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