Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
