Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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