I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
