u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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