Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
