You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
