32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
