So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
