k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
