He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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