its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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