I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
