I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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