yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
