There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
