so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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