Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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