I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
