He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
