She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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