You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
