how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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