So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
farters have to be the big spoon...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
