He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
