College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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