No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
