Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
