OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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