I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
