What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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