no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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