fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
