Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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