Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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