Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
