we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I smell stomach acid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
