Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
