She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
