For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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