She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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