Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
