hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
