seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
