i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
