Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
