By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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