Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
